


Out of Spell Slots

by Justanotherfangirl



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Team as Family, and his character development is the reason I wake up in the morning, anyway Merle loves his friends and would die for them, ive been working on this forever and FINALLY got it done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:31:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justanotherfangirl/pseuds/Justanotherfangirl
Summary: Merle has always struggled with feeling good enough, even if he won't admit it. And sometimes it takes two idiots to drill it into his thick skull that there are people who care about him.





	Out of Spell Slots

**Author's Note:**

> ITS FINALLY DONE. This took me forever. It's almost 1:30 in the morning and I have work tomorrow but idc cuz I'm proud of this. I hope you enjoy it :)

Merle didn't think about the future too much, about what would happen when they found all the relics, about what he wanted to do with his life, or even what would happen when he died. He didn't think about the future at all, really. He preferred to deal with problems - or rather, ignore problems - as they came.

And he had a slight problem.

A long gash cut across his stomach, a parting gift from one of the freshly deceased thugs lying at his feet. It wasn't bad; Merle barely felt it. Still, he decided it would be best to heal himself up. They had a lot more ground to cover before they could head back up to the moon. His hands started glowing as he began to channel a spell.

"Merle!"

The glow in his hands shut off abruptly as Magnus, panicked and disheveled, ran towards Merle. He definitely looked worse for wear, but before Merle could suggest healing him, Magnus spoke.

"Taako," he panted, and led Merle to the other end of the cave.

Taako was pale and unmoving. Merle couldn't even tell if he was breathing from this distance, and he tried not to show his terror at that realization.

Merle reached his side in an instant, fumbling around in his bag for his Xtreme Teen Bible; when he found it, he flipped through the worn, blood-stained pages as fast as he could. He didn't really need the book to heal, but he liked the weight of it in his hands. It was a physical reminder of Pan's presence, and Merle swore it helped him to heal more effectively.

It looked like Taako would be needing the extra confidence the book provided, because Merle noticed a few serious injuries as he passed his hands over Taako's body.

It took a few healing spells for Taako to crack open his eyes, coughing and blinking. Merle breathed a sigh of relief.

Taako immediately stood up, rocked on his heels for a moment, then dusted himself off, acting as if the whole situation had been a minor inconvenience rather than a near-death experience.

"Come on, boner squad, the sooner we get through this cave, the sooner I can take a fucking nap."

And Taako strolled away, limping and swaying the slightest bit.

Merle grumbled. "You're fucking welcome."

This whole mission was, in his humble opinion, utter bullshit. There wasn't even a relic here, but the Director sent them to look in this stupid cave that a few Seekers had scoped out awhile ago. Taako and Merle complained. It wasn't their job, why did _they_ have to go? But the Director insisted they needed to "stay sharp," and since there hadn't been any new intel regarding relics in awhile, this was one of the only ways outside of training that they could hone their skills.

"And Taako, Merle, I know you've been slacking on training," she said, giving them a stern look. "This way, I can guarantee you're practicing. And it shouldn't be too difficult, just scout it out and report back to me. Not even you three could make that difficult," she mumbled under her breath.

"Oh, you doubt our abilities," Taako said.

The Director just sighed and sent them on their way, telling them not to get themselves killed, "because I know you three could manage it, somehow."

So off they went, grumbling the whole way.

Merle would have complained harder had he known how many fucking thugs were waiting for them. There were almost twenty just inside the entrance. Of course, they couldn't manage to sneak past them. When was their luck ever that good? So now Merle was left with fewer spell slots and a gash across his stomach that was starting to hurt just a little. He supposed he should go ahead and heal it.

But then he noticed Magnus ahead of him, whistling nonchalantly. He looked like he was trying to hide something; he was holding his arm awkwardly and wincing with every step. He was such a bad liar. Merle sighed.

"Magnus, come here."

Magnus obliged, trying to keep a guilty look off his face. Merle rolled his eyes. He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Gimme your arm."

"Oh, no, it's fine," Magnus waved his good arm in a dismissive gesture. "It's just a bruise, no need to burn a spell slot."

Merle raised an eyebrow and gently poked Magnus's arm. Magnus yelped and jumped back, and Merle smirked, his point proven.

"You can't fight like that," Merle said, putting his hands on Magnus's arm despite his protests. "Come on, what were you gonna do? Hide it the whole time? What if you got hit in the arm during the next fight, huh? What then?" While he spoke, he channeled a spell. He felt the broken bone (Merle couldn't believe Magnus was trying to hide _a broken bone,_ of all things) knit back together under his hands.

"Thanks, Merle," Magnus said, sheepish.

"Well, you gotta take care of yourself, man, you're our tank. Who else is gonna take the hits? Come on, I'm lookin' out for myself here, too."

Magnus laughed.

Taako, who had gotten ahead of them during the exchange, shouted at them without slowing down. "Come on, wingnuts, I don't have all day!"

"The hell's a wingnut?" Merle whispered to Magnus. He shrugged. They followed Taako, jogging to catch up.

The cut across Merle's stomach was hurting worse and worse with every step he took. He should probably deal with that. But he looked to Taako and Magnus, both of whom looked bruised and battered, and decided against it. What if one of them got hurt? Or both? He was the only one with healing magic. His cut wasn't that bad, he could wait until they were out of here to heal it. And besides, he wasn't much of a fighter; if it came down to just him, Merle wasn't sure he could hold his own. He figured he should save his spell slots for the other two, just in case.

Maybe then he wouldn't be such a shitty cleric.

Merle shook his head, laughing a little to himself. Where did that come from? Sheesh, his brain was sounding like a damn soap opera. He focused on the path ahead, on the dank walls of the cave that grew closer, then further apart, at the stalagmites (stalactites? Ah, who cared) that poked up from the ground. He watched the backs of his friends bobbing ahead of him, lit by a spell Taako had cast.

The cave seemed to go on forever. Magnus hummed a little tune as they walked, and Taako swung his umbrella, but Merle simply trudged along, silent. He was so tired of this. What was even the point of them coming here? All he saw was rock, rock, and more rock. He groaned.

"Can't we just leave and tell the Director that there wasn't anything important in here?"

"No way she won't ask for more information then that," Magnus said.

"And even if we did lie, no way we three idiots could pull one over on her," Taako added dryly.

Merle had to agree with that. He still hated this cave, though.

The monotony was broken up when they came to a large opening in the rock. It looked like it had be carved out, unlike the smooth, naturally eroded walls of the narrower tunnels. Plain, unadorned magical lights dotted the walls at regular intervals; the light didn't reach the ceiling, which extended up further than Merle could see. The most striking part of the room, though, was that it was covered from wall to wall, floor to ceiling, with boxes and crates.

"What is this...?" Magnus asked, stepping slowly into the room. The boxes in the middle of the room had been pushed aside to make a path wide enough for one person. The three of them looked the boxes up and down, marveling at the sheer quantity of them. Merle, spotting a box that seemed to have fallen from the top of a stack, picked it up and opened it.

"Hey guys, look at this!"

Merle showed the contents to Magnus and Taako; it was full to the brim of wands, every one a different size, shape, and color. Merle and Magnus glanced at each other, then looked at Taako quizzically. He sighed, exasperated.

"Don't look at me like that! I don't fuckin' know what these are for either!"

"Uh, magic, right?" Magnus asked, clearly the most confused out of anyone.

Taako sighed again, scratching his head. "Yeah, duh, but - why would someone need this many? And these are the good wands, with none of those government-mandated 'safety protocols' that baby wizards use."

"These are illegal wands?" Magnus looked more confused now. "I didn't know magic items could even be illegal, you know, except, like, the Grand Relics and stuff."

Taako rolled his eyes. "Yeah, there's plenty of dangerous magic shit that's banned. Oh man, look at this wand," he said suddenly, gripping a long, knobby wand and grinning. "I've heard of this type, it's supposed to let you cast more than one high-level spell at a time, but it got banned because people were dying from using up all their lifeforce at once-"

"Hey! You!"

The three froze as two burly guards shouted at them from the entrance to the room. Taako, abandoning the wand, immediately ran past Merle, shooting a spell off from his umbrastaff and laughing as he sprinted from the room. Damn, that elf had a sense of self-preservation like no other.

Smoke from the fireball that Taako cast was just beginning to dissipate when Merle saw an arrow whiz by, just inches from his face. A moment later he heard the unmistakable "thwack!" of an arrow piercing flesh, and a startled yelp from Taako.

Pan-dammit. More spell slots to burn.

Merle didn't have much time to worry about spell slots, because one of the guards was upon him as soon as he looked away from where Taako had yelled.

Merle cast Sacred Flame, keeping with the theme of fire magic, as the guard swung wildly with her sword. Merle escaped unscathed, but the guard was looking a little over-cooked. She frantically patted out a stray flame on her shoulder. Merle was beginning to channel another spell when he heard a pained shout. He looked over to where Magnus had rushed in and saw him flat on the ground, unconscious and surrounded by guards. Shit. They must have called for backup.

The guard took advantage of Merle's distraction and lunged forward with her sword. Merle dodged just a second too late, earning a long gash on his bicep. Before either of them could attack again, though, three more guards were circling them.

Merle knew when he was beat. He put up his hands in surrender and let himself be led at sword point through the labyrinth of boxes. Two other guards brought up the rear, dragging Magnus between them. His head was lolling and blood dripped from an unseen wound above his hairline. Merle was anxious to heal him. Taako also didn't look great; he had an arrow sticking from his thigh and blood welling from a deep cut on his forehead. 

Merle took stock of himself, too. He was exhausted, but mostly whole. The cut on his stomach had reopened during the fight, and the gash on his arm was bleeding steadily. He decided he could handle it, though. Again, Merle figured the other two needed to take priority. Still, he hoped that this mission wouldn't take much longer, because he was running out of spell slots and energy. He would still have to wait until they got away from these guards to do any healing, though.

Wait, where were these guards taking them?

"Where are you taking us?" Merle asked. He tried to keep his voice level, but he was angry. His friends needed him and these people were keeping him from them. 

One of the guards, not even bothering to look at him, said, "Boss's office."

The guard didn't elaborate.

Well, Merle guessed he had his answer. At least if they got to this boss's office they would probably be able to get all the information they needed from this stupid ass cave, including whatever secret cult it housed.

They were tossed none too gently into another cavern, similar to the first but without the stacks of boxes. Instead, a large desk sat in the center of the room, and a dwarf sat behind the desk. The "boss," Merle presumed. The dwarf snapped his fingers and the three of them were released, Magnus slumping lifelessly to the floor and Taako stumbling a few steps, putting his weight on his good leg.

As soon as they were released, the guards that had led them in filed back out the opening of the cave silently, except for two who remained stationed just inside the mouth of the cavern. They didn't make eye contact with any of them, just stared straight ahead, unseeing.

There was an uncomfortable silence where the only sound was Magnus's steady breathing and the slow drip of water from somewhere above. Merle cleared his throat and tried to break the silence.

"Uh, hail and well me-"

"What are you doing in my headquarters?" The dwarf interrupted, scowling. He looked as if smoke were about to pour out of his ears, he was so angry.

"Well, you see, we three are..." Merle trailed off, looking at Taako. He just shrugged. Fucking bastard. "Uh, we're here because, well... we... got lost?"

The dwarf-boss didn't seem like he was fooled, despite Merle's (extremely charming and not nervous at all) smile. Taako sighed and shook his head. 

"Look, dude, we don't give a fuck about your magical artifact smuggling ring," Taako said, doing a very good job of staying nonchalant with an arrow in his leg. "We just thought there might be a certain magical item here, and it isn't, so we'll just be on our way, now."

Magnus groaned in his sleep. Merle wished they could trade places.

The dwarf seemed to consider Taako's statement. Merle hoped, for a brief moment, that they would get lucky for once and be released.

"Regardless, you've seen too much. We can't leave any loose ends lying around," the boss said, stroking his beard with a wicked smile. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to dispose of you."

And the boss rose from his desk, vanishing it with a flick of his wrist, and drew his wand.

"Perfect," Merle muttered, and cast a healing spell on Magnus. He opened his eyes with a groan and sat up just in time to dodge a fireball.

"What's going on?" He yelled, hopping to his feet and fumbling for his ax.

"This guy wants to kill us, we're trying not to get killed," Taako said, firing off a magic missile. "You know, the usual."

That was good enough for Magnus. He charged the dwarf, who pulled out a second wand and started casting spells at both him and Taako at the same time. Merle got ready to fire off another spell (even though he knew he was running low on slots) when a wave of force radiated out from the dwarf. He slammed into the wall, ears ringing and vision blurring for a split second. Taako seemed to have avoided the attack, but Magnus was against the wall to his left, looking like he was about to pass out again. Merle cursed. He couldn't spare anymore spell slots - 

His thoughts were interrupted again by another spell, one he didn't even recognize. It felt like knives slashing his skin, leaving gashes up and down his arms. One took a chunk out of his side, and he nearly screamed.

Just as soon as it began, though, the barrage ended. The dwarf stood in front of the three of them, grinning maniacally and holding magic artifacts in each hand.

Merle had a feeling this wasn't going to be an easy fight.

He pulled out his war hammer and charged the dwarf head-on. He didn't know what else to do. Magnus was also running to attack the dwarf, while Taako stood in front, casting another spell. The dwarf didn't seem concerned about the fact that this fight was three against one; in fact, he looked almost excited as Merle brought down his hammer with a shout.

Before he could make contact with the dwarf, however, another wave of force swept him off his feet, sending him sliding along the ground. He recovered quickly, though, scrambling back to his feet and holding his hammer out in front of him once more. Merle could feel blood trickling from his temple. That couldn't be a good sign, but he ignored it and the wave of dizziness that washed over him as he leapt back into the fight.

Magnus and Taako, while they seemed to be faring better than Merle, weren't doing much damage that Merle could see. The dwarf had a seemingly unlimited supply of magical weapons. He didn't even appear to grow weaker with each use. Just how powerful _was_ this guy?

Taako screamed as another spell, some sort of projectile that vanished upon impact, hit him square in the chest. Merle was already running to him, preparing a healing spell as he ran.

"Merle!" Magnus shouted.

Merle turned around just in time to see a flash of lightning headed straight for him. Then he didn't see anything as his vision blacked out, then flickered back on. Shit, he hurt all over. His muscles twitched with the electricity running through him. Still, he rose, and finished healing Taako.

Merle was tired, sore, and bloody. He was ready for this fight to be over, and he figured the other two were more capable of beating this shit than he was. They just needed a boost. So Merle summoned all his strength, then sent it out in one final burst of magic to both Taako and Magnus.

Merle's vision dimmed, but Magnus and Taako seemed energized. Magnus swung his ax down in a deadly arc, catching the dwarf off guard and slicing him in chest. Taako cast Black Tentacles, lifting the dwarf in the air and effectively snatching his wand. Taako smirked as the tentacles snapped it in half.

Immediately the dwarf screamed, and magical energy exploded outwards from where he was entangled in the tentacles. The wand must have been some sort of conduit for the magical artifacts he was using, because it seemed like a wave of pure magic was coming from the dwarf. It felt like a ton of bricks as it hit Merle, slamming him against the wall with enough force to make his skull vibrate. _Well, if I didn't have a concussion before, I sure as hell do now,_ Merle thought fuzzily. He faintly heard the sound of Taako and Magnus celebrating. That was a relief. He didn't think he could handle anymore fighting.

Merle tried to sit up, but stopped when he felt pain so strong he nearly blacked out. Putting a hand to his stomach, he realized blood was pouring out of a gash. Funny, Merle couldn't remember getting that. He rose to his knees, but tumbled back to the ground immediately afterwards. Blood was pooling around him at an alarming rate.

Okay, _now_ he better go ahead and heal himself.

Merle placed his hands on the wound in his stomach and tried to channel a healing spell, but the magic wouldn't come.

He was out of spell slots.

"Damn," Merle said. He laughed a little to himself, wincing at the pain that caused, and closed his eyes. Well, a quick nap wouldn't hurt, he reasoned. He would just get those spell slots back, heal himself up, and they would be on their way.

Before he drifted off, he cracked his eyes open again, searching for Magnus and Taako. With relief, he noticed that they were both on their feet. _Thank Pan,_ he thought, then passed out.

~~~

The next time he woke up, he was too exhausted to open his eyes. Feeling came back slowly, and with it pain in his stomach, pounding in his head, and soreness in his limbs. Hearing came back slower. He listened.

"For Pan's sake!"

That must be Taako. Merle tried to respond, but he was so tired. Magnus was speaking then.

"Taako, come on, he didn't know we would take all that damage so early on -"

"Bullshit!" Taako yelled, ignoring Magnus's attempts to quiet him. "What kind of shitty cleric uses all his spells before the final fight?"

Yeesh, that hurt. Merle felt it like he felt the throbbing of the wound in his gut.

Taako was saying something else, but Merle had stopped listening. The pain was washing over him in waves, and it was getting harder and harder for him to hold onto consciousness. Before he sank into darkness again, he felt a hand on his shoulder. The pain didn't lessen, but Merle felt calmer, if only a little.

Then, for the second time, he passed out.

~~~~~~~~

When he woke up for the final time, Merle found himself in a bed. He moved experimentally, flexing his fingers and toes, checking to make sure everything was working correctly. He noticed that his soulwood arm was in a flowerpot beside the bed. It gave him a small wave as he sat up and looked around.

Merle was in the Bureau infirmary, surrounded by empty, white-sheeted beds. Magnus was asleep in a chair by the bed, a misshapen lump of wood in his hand and knife in the other, dangling towards the ground. Merle shook his head. That boy should really learn to take care of himself better. He reached to take the knife, but stopped with a yelp as pain radiated from a wound in his stomach. Damn, just how fucked up was he, that they couldn't heal him all the way?

Magnus woke with the sound, yawning and stretching. He narrowly avoided slashing Merle with the carving knife as he spread his arms in a wide arc. He smiled warmly at Merle with sleepy eyes, and Merle felt something in his heart twist sickeningly.

"You're awake!" Magnus said cheerfully. "The clerics said they would finish fixing you up in a little bit."

Magnus hopped up. "I'll be right back!"

And he left before Merle could get a word in. Well damn, couldn't he at least pretend to give a shit that he wasn't dead? Merle crossed his arms (well, his one arm that wasn't currently a potted plant) and pouted, just a little. When Magnus got back, he was going to give him a piece of his mind.

Right on cue, Magnus trudged back into the room. With surprise, Merle noticed that Taako was with him, looking bored and irritated. They plopped down in the two empty chairs by the bed. There was a beat of silence before Taako spoke up.

"So, what the fuck, old man."

Merle bristled. "What are you talking about, you're older than me-!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Taako cut him off. "Just explain to us why you didn't heal yourself."

"I was out of slots," Merle said, confused.

"He means before that last fight," Magnus said, "you were hurt for awhile, right?"

Merle shrugged, wincing at the pain in his sore shoulders.

"And in that last fight, you were hurt pretty bad," Magnus continued, brow furrowing. "Why didn't you do anything?"

Merle scoffed, angry suddenly. "I don't know what your deal is, you're the ones always complaining about me using up all my spell slots! And now you want me to use more? Make up your damn minds!"

Taako stared at him. "Well maybe we don't want you to die, old man. Ever think of that, huh?"

And, as sad as it was, Merle actually hadn't ever thought about that, and that realization stunned him into silence. He had just assumed they kept him around for convenience, or maybe pity. But the idea that he was actually valuable, that he wasn't replaceable? It hadn't occurred to him. He cleared his throat, trying to dispel the tension in the room.

"Oh," was all Merle said. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again. "I, uh, won't do it again?"

"Good," Taako said, then left the room. Merle noticed he still had a slight limp. He would have to heal that up soon.

Magnus remained in the chair, picking up the block of wood again and resuming his carving. Merle stared at the ceiling, thinking. He wasn't much of a family man. In fact, he was terrible at the whole thing. But here, with these two kids caring about him, worrying about him... maybe this was a little family all by itself. Merle smiled and closed his eyes. Yeah, he wasn't a family man. But maybe that just meant he needed a family as fucked up as him.

And, he thought as he drifted to sleep, maybe he had found it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading! If ya wanna yell at me come at my [tumblr](http://the-syrup-witch.tumblr.com)
> 
> Leave a comment if you so desire ;)


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